How can one know
The difference
Reality blurred
Lines covered.
I have seemed
To lose myself
In rubbles of
Uncertainty
I can easily
Blame you/them
Identify as
Victim or anti
Hero, human.
Where passion
Eludes me
Sun no longer felt;
Not burning
Words hurting
More than ever
Ripping synapses
Before reaching thought.
I am clouded
Sleep and dream
Squinted.
There is the pain
Left behind
Which beckons to be
Acknowledged
This
And only this
Is true.
Celebrate You
I wish to
celebrate you
Every accomplishment
And each failure
Elevate your spirit
Especially in the missteps
And stumbles
I wish to
Never see any fault in you
And not reserve judgements
Perceive only pure virtue
And intent in your ways
Go into prayer for you
Boast to the creator
Of all you’ve endured
I can assure
It hasn’t gone unnoticed
All the wins
And loses
A ceremony and all
Is what I ultimately wish for
Last Night
You entered my dreams
Warm, vivid like
And I touched your hand
Softly, tender like
Your eyes were alive
Bursting in hue, life like
Caught in the moment
We laughed, child like
I shed a tear
Surreal, mournful like
For I knew it’s end
Over, fin like
Last night
I know what pain looks like
I know the tears that come from bloodshed
I know the heartache of loving and losing
I know the scratches that show up from bended knees at pulpits
I know the dark marks that are seen on prostrated foreheads
I know the scars that are carried by paleros
I know the blood trickle from the heads of santeros
I know vaguely the tranquil state of monks
I know sadly the wickedness of man
I know… which is why I hurt
Hurt
©Axel Garcia
She says
I don’t look like me anymore
That the hunch in my back is more pronounced
Sunken, was the word she used
She says
my scars are in trenched deeper
Revealing my truer nature
She says
the cuadro espiritual that surrounds
My aura is too blinding with its brilliant hues
For her black and white ways
For she says she carries the blessing of Issa
Yeshua came to her in a misa
Blowing smoke in her face de el cigarro
Agua Ardiente balanced perfectly
In the other hand
Now replaced by the wine
But me
She says
No longer holds the blessing of the father
Like the baptismal waters drowning
The sins of her past
I am not worthy of her love
For she now is bonded by a holier spirit
His preaching more attractive than mine
His Gods holding more promise than mine
My devotions make her cringe with remorse
Of the times we’ve shared together
She says
that only his blood cleans away
The prints of my love off her body
Like holy water in an exorcism
So I wait in the shadows
Like the cypher of Lu
Wanting to shatter her doubts
Because though
She says
What she says
Her spirit still calls out to me
In the far reaches of her soul
Where only I can ever exist
Somewhere right now
In another realm and time
I’m breathing your scent
Grasping your hand tightly
And Lord I pray
That I embrace that moment
Appreciate it fully
Knowing
What I know now
That this memory of you
Haunts my heart with sadness
Knowing
It can never be again
Maybe So
You say that the love of the father is not in me
I’ll shrug and say… it maybe so
That I’m taken by the world and all that’s in it
I’ll think for a moment and say… it maybe so
And that I’ve must’ve never been saved or blessed
I’ll look down and say… it maybe so
That I’m a lie, a walking contradiction
I’ll smirk and say… it maybe so
You’ll give up on me, and say I’m lost
That I don’t have a clue
That I know nothing and hold nothing
I’ll smile and say
Now you get it
In between each breath
There in that space… I am
See me in
That moment before ink touches paper
… I exist
Where sleep wins over
Tired eyelids
In the letting go…. I’m already there
Feel my words
When the flakes of snow
Are just about to caress the ground
… There I shall abound
I promise to never part
Even after goodbyes
To My Children when I am gone
A cloud once spoke to me
As it cried down on the Earth
I had forgotten my fathers promise
By the tree of forever
A foolish child sadly remembers
The wisdom a father tried to impart
When the tops of redwoods
Bristle his breath on me
May you not follow my folly
You are him
I see it in your laughter and smile
Hidden behind such bravado
Don’t hide from me
Or the world
Let a million ancestors rejoice
In your accomplishments beloved
And remember my voice
In the autumn winds of tomorrow
The hue of my pupils
In the skies of winter
Where tears will well up around your eyes
And the wish of my presence
Is never more
Remember I love you
Axel Garcia 