Hurt

I know what pain looks like

I know the tears that come from bloodshed

I know the heartache of loving and losing

I know the scratches that show up from bended knees at pulpits

I know the dark marks that are seen on prostrated foreheads

I know the scars that are carried by paleros

I know the blood trickle from the heads of santeros

I know vaguely the tranquil state of monks

I know sadly the wickedness of man

I know… which is why I hurt

Hurt

©Axel Garcia

Advertisements

She Says

She says

I don’t look like me anymore

That the hunch in my back is more pronounced

Sunken, was the word she used

She says

my scars are in trenched deeper

Revealing my truer nature

She says

the cuadro espiritual that surrounds

My aura is too blinding with its brilliant hues

For her black and white ways

For she says she carries the blessing of Issa

Yeshua came to her in a misa

Blowing smoke in her face de el cigarro

Agua Ardiente balanced perfectly

In the other hand

Now replaced by the wine

But me

She says

No longer holds the blessing of the father

Like the baptismal waters drowning

The sins of her past

I am not worthy of her love

For she now is bonded by a holier spirit

His preaching more attractive than mine

His Gods holding more promise than mine

My devotions make her cringe with remorse

Of the times we’ve shared together

She says

that only his blood cleans away

The prints of my love off her body

Like holy water in an exorcism

So I wait in the shadows

Like the cypher of Lu

Wanting to shatter her doubts

Because though

She says

What she says

Her spirit still calls out to me

In the far reaches of her soul

Where only I can ever exist

Knowing

Somewhere right now

In another realm and time

I’m breathing your scent

Grasping your hand tightly

And Lord I pray

That I embrace that moment

Appreciate it fully

Knowing

What I know now

That this memory of you

Haunts my heart with sadness

Knowing

It can never be again

Maybe So

Maybe So

You say that the love of the father is not in me

I’ll shrug and say… it maybe so

That I’m taken by the world and all that’s in it

I’ll think for a moment and say… it maybe so

And that I’ve must’ve never been saved or blessed

I’ll look down and say… it maybe so

That I’m a lie, a walking contradiction

I’ll smirk and say… it maybe so

You’ll give up on me, and say I’m lost

That I don’t have a clue

That I know nothing and hold nothing

I’ll smile and say

Now you get it

Here I Am

In between each breath

There in that space… I am

See me in

That moment before ink touches paper

… I exist

Where sleep wins over

Tired eyelids

In the letting go…. I’m already there

Feel my words

When the flakes of snow

Are just about to caress the ground

… There I shall abound

I promise to never part

Even after goodbyes

To My Children When I am Gone

To My Children when I am gone

A cloud once spoke to me

As it cried down on the Earth

I had forgotten my fathers promise 

By the tree of forever 

A foolish child sadly remembers 

The wisdom a father tried to impart 

When the tops of redwoods 

Bristle his breath on me 

May you not follow my folly 

You are him

I see it in your laughter and smile 

Hidden behind such bravado 

Don’t hide from me

Or the world 

Let a million ancestors rejoice

In your accomplishments beloved 

And remember my voice 

In the autumn winds of tomorrow 

The hue of my pupils 

In the skies of winter 

Where tears will well up around your eyes 

And the wish of my presence 

Is never more 

Remember I love you