When I Die

I want the clouds to cry for days on end

Where visions of Noah come to mind

And Paul laments my sufferings on Earth

I want Solomon to await conversations on it all

Pausing as Ables blood whispers in my ear

As the watchers guide me towards Cain

So that he can explain death in all its gore 

Maybe Adam will change up his animal garments 

The ones Eve sewed for him so lovingly 

I want to bring forth tablets to inscribe 

Along with Moses

Gaze at the golden calf being worshipped 

While Jesus ascends 

And Lucifer tugs at his robe 

I’ll take pictures alongside them all

And pray they make it on social media 

As proof that Muhammad is indeed familia 

As they meditate with Siddhartha

And dance with Shango

Pay tolls to Eleggua 

For safe passage

Where I cast Opuele with Orunmilla 

Yes let the heavens cry to disguise the elation

Of true elevation 

When I die   
copyright ©Axel Garcia

Empty

I sit here

Reveling in the aftermath

Of what I am capable of

Transcending love 

Into purest of hate

I realize

You are correct

I am to blame

Curse me with fervor

Wish for my destruction 

And downfall 

I am ready

For it all 

Arms wide

I embrace the fault

That is I

Repulsive 

To myself

I do not deserve

Love

Nor hate

It is much too good for me

Squirm away

Like the witnessing 

Of rodents passing

I only wish

To leave this realm

I surrender 

I wave the flag

I don’t want to cry anymore

I don’t want to know

The pain of loves betrayal

I don’t seek to venture

Down disappointment lane

Those tears you cry

Aren’t worth my lament

Let me shrivel away

Til dust is no more

And even the Almighty

Can not breathe life into 

The sands that filled me 

Empty I came

And want to return   

The Errors of my Way

Not going to speak of motivation

Or being in tuned with spirit

Won’t assert my own personal beliefs

Because I may feel owner of truth 

Will not cleverly decipher my childhood

And adult years 

And spew it on some rhetorical rant

Of now knowing better

That I’ve somehow figured it out

Or that divinely inspired 

I’ve spoken out words of awakening

No I dare not partake 

Of such false imagery 

Only to capture the attention of you

I’d rather digest my failures

Into essays

Formulated from my tears

Spouting into capsules of reality

That yes I have wronged a multitude 

Of past lovers and friends

Have used them as a means to an end 

Where human and sub human exist 

Lest not forget 

Cursed as I am

I bleed from self inflicted penance 

Yet you’ll never attest to this

Viciously astute I do hide well

Behind an erected stature 

With no chip left on shoulder 

I seek repentance 

From thee

From myself 

And What I’ve yet to do to you

From the errors of my way

The Pen

This pen dastardly disobeys me

By not allowing my heart to write what it wants

Dare I blame it?

It has bore witness to many lies

Has seen its share of bias words

It is my vessel 

Be that as it may

I depend on thee

Heavily 

To jot down emotions

In detailed disarray 

Appeasing this pain in my being

Releasing ink

Like my veins release poison

Do not leave me yet

This pen of mine

Turn your back another day

But not today

For I still have more to tell

Lie

I won’t write you another letter
Nor think of your face

I’ll scrub away the scent of you

Off of me

I’ll replace you with another 

Take her out to dinner

Romance her in ways divine 

I’ll even smile, laugh at her jokes

And have a drink or two 

Just like you used to do…

And tell myself 

That I’m over you

That the strands of our connection

Are now broken

And the universe

Listened to my cries

Of wanting you out of my soul

I’ll hit the gym

Sweat like there’s no tomorrow

And ache something awful the next day

And as I lay there in pain

I’ll say…

Doesn’t it feel great to move on?

Doesn’t the air feel lighter

Away from your gravity

Isn’t it quieter?

I’m surely at peace…

I’ll stare at my mirror

Who knows me so well

And reflects the liar 

I’ve become…