Since You

My heart is yours

It has no use without you around anymore 

Please take it

These eyes are for you

As I do not wish to see anything but thee

Nothing else matters

I am just a void now

Empty

Shallow breaths barely filling my lungs

Air has no use

And only prolongs my being 

I sleep awaiting forever

Only to open eyes

To brighter sunlight 

I do not seek to darken the sky

For it still illuminates your world 

Wherever that may be

Be it the next town 

Or a million miles from me 

Take my sense of touch away

I have no purpose but to remember 

That feel of your skin 

I am comforted with this knowledge

Sacrifice what’s left of me 

To dirt or ash 

Coffin or urn 

Washed away in waters deep

Or flames to burn 

Let them preserve a locket

For you to carry

Or throw away 

There is nothing 

Since you 

Not Enough

I’ve never fit in

My spot never chosen

Not Spanish enough to move my hips easily 

Nor American enough to step on others to rise

Too militant 

Yet not suffered enough to raise fists 

Not white enough even when rocking to Metal

Roots not African enough to proclaim ancestry

My DNA is as scattered as my thoughts

Ask me who I am

I’ll say one thing and disagree with myself 

Neither this nor the other 

Not Muslim enough to Habibi 

Not Christian enough to feel the Holy Spirit 

Not Taino enough to darken my skin 

Not animal enough to kill

Not human enough to care 

Not covered enough in tattoos

Not paid enough to afford my bills

Not educated enough to be allowed formulated opinions

You leave me boxed in

Cornered as a hunted beast 

Who every now and then reacts 

Attacks 

And blamed for doing so

Don’t even want to step outside

Not worthy enough to walk

Shouldn’t even write

Not accepted enough to be cool with the click

I stand just on the cusp 

Peaking my head in ever so often 

Shouldn’t be alive 

Not worthy of breath 

Someone else needs it more

Don’t want to see anymore 

Vision I’d give to the blind immediately 

I could say I’ve lost my way

If there was ever one to be lost 

So I’ll remain

Until I fade from memory 

And be just a whisper to some 

Lost

I have searched for you

In the darkness of my soul

Feeding it’s hue words and ritual

Movements memorized

Til the hurt in my bones 

Was no more

Pronunciations perfected

So that my very tongue 

Won’t lie on that sacred day

Witnesses are the winds, and trees

As to all that I proclaim 

I awaken

Within this dream

Once more 

Hoping I’d travelled over 

To you

So much that the “Good” in morning

Ceased to be

And acceptance is, all there is 

My knees no longer can withstand

The weight of proving 

Of hoping

And believing 

I have only breath

Left

This is my testimony 

Being illuminated in the illusive 

Where inhalation 

Closes my eyes

And exhalation loosens 

The burden 

I am surely lost

And in you 

Found 

She Told Me

She told me I was too clever for my own good

That my seductive words couldn’t thaw the ice that built around her heart

You see this just made me want to try harder

Cause I was never one to quit so easily 

Hard to get wasn’t an option here

And a savior surely wasn’t what she needed

She was looking for that man

You know the ones she was promised in childhood tales

Valiant and chivalrous

Old fashioned yet modern in his ways

One with insight enough to see royalty

When he gazed upon her

She was an entire empire

Rolled up into feminine 

Pumped up my adrenaline

To set forth my efforts more vigilantly

Till finally she paused and said

 With the shrug of her shoulder

“We’ll see”…. 

Left me smiling as she walked away from me
copyright ©Axel Garcia

When I Die

I want the clouds to cry for days on end

Where visions of Noah come to mind

And Paul laments my sufferings on Earth

I want Solomon to await conversations on it all

Pausing as Ables blood whispers in my ear

As the watchers guide me towards Cain

So that he can explain death in all its gore 

Maybe Adam will change up his animal garments 

The ones Eve sewed for him so lovingly 

I want to bring forth tablets to inscribe 

Along with Moses

Gaze at the golden calf being worshipped 

While Jesus ascends 

And Lucifer tugs at his robe 

I’ll take pictures alongside them all

And pray they make it on social media 

As proof that Muhammad is indeed familia 

As they meditate with Siddhartha

And dance with Shango

Pay tolls to Eleggua 

For safe passage

Where I cast Opuele with Orunmilla 

Yes let the heavens cry to disguise the elation

Of true elevation 

When I die   
copyright ©Axel Garcia

God

I stood filthy yet clean 

Thinking water could erase

Rags shining like suits

Oh how I skillfully clothed my sin

Disgust painted over with a smile

I played the game in haste

Pride burying self

Leaving remnants of what has been

I now seek that which is true

With vigor and zeal

Guilty as I am before you

On my knees I do plead

As I give up this world

And all its appeal

I surrender all to you

Trusting forevermore in your lead

 copyright ©Axel Garcia

New Year 

Another year has come and gone, they seem to fly by the older you become. It’s definitely time to look in the mirror and reflect on what has been and what’s to come. Have you grown spiritually? Emotionally? Growth can never be measured on the size of your bank account or worldly possessions. I urge you to make things right with the man above, remember tomorrow is never promised. 2016 here we come by the grace of God! 

The Errors of my Way

Not going to speak of motivation

Or being in tuned with spirit

Won’t assert my own personal beliefs

Because I may feel owner of truth 

Will not cleverly decipher my childhood

And adult years 

And spew it on some rhetorical rant

Of now knowing better

That I’ve somehow figured it out

Or that divinely inspired 

I’ve spoken out words of awakening

No I dare not partake 

Of such false imagery 

Only to capture the attention of you

I’d rather digest my failures

Into essays

Formulated from my tears

Spouting into capsules of reality

That yes I have wronged a multitude 

Of past lovers and friends

Have used them as a means to an end 

Where human and sub human exist 

Lest not forget 

Cursed as I am

I bleed from self inflicted penance 

Yet you’ll never attest to this

Viciously astute I do hide well

Behind an erected stature 

With no chip left on shoulder 

I seek repentance 

From thee

From myself 

And What I’ve yet to do to you

From the errors of my way

The Pen

This pen dastardly disobeys me

By not allowing my heart to write what it wants

Dare I blame it?

It has bore witness to many lies

Has seen its share of bias words

It is my vessel 

Be that as it may

I depend on thee

Heavily 

To jot down emotions

In detailed disarray 

Appeasing this pain in my being

Releasing ink

Like my veins release poison

Do not leave me yet

This pen of mine

Turn your back another day

But not today

For I still have more to tell

For You

Should I love 

That which you allow of me?

As if you ever truly had this control

To encapsulate such an emotion;

Revolution in its truest form

I am free to chose

Be it behind a curtain

Or the walls we built around it

From afar

Or to touch your lips

I will love you

Yes this is what I will do

And frolic in its liberation

Even if it’s only in my head

Hug you

Make love to you

Smile in the embrace of our bodies

Inhale the aroma of us

Yes this is what I will do

I will love you